There are three states of a relationship. These states are harmony, break and repair. Over the life of a relationship they are often in these different states.
When we are in a relationship that is in harmony, we know it, we can feel it working. Reflect on a relationship you have now and or in the past that really worked. Some of the hallmarks of relationship harmony are: communication, presence, trust, true authenticity, honesty, support, trustworthiness, etc.
Even in the best, most long standing relationships, breaks will occur that impact the harmony. These breaks can be small, huge or somewhere in between. Some contributors to a break in harmony are things like poor communication, lack of emotional presence, dishonesty, etc.
What many of us do is realize there has been a break in harmony, but continue on with “business as usual” hoping it just blows over. We hope we can just move back into harmony. We try to move back into harmony without any work on repair.
Overtime these breaks, without repair, accumulate and weaken the relationship overall. It is crucial to a solid relationship that we acknowledge the break, small or large, and repair before moving back into harmony.
Skipping the repair will hinder our ability to get to harmony. If we skip repair too many times it may destroy the relationship all together. It’s also important to know that repair is a team sport. One person cannot be responsible for repair a break in relationship as it takes collaboration, conversation and forgiveness.
It takes the attributes of a relationship in harmony to work through the repair. It takes things honesty, communication, authenticity and trust.
In the end, the process of working through the relationship stages will strengthen the relationship. It is much like the physical process of strengthening bone and muscle. Bones and muscles both become stronger when muscles push and tug against bones during physical activity.
The key takeaway is that it is crucial to the relationship that we acknowledge that there be breaks and that working through the repair state will strengthen the overall relationsh
